New Scary Movie Parodies
by Pathas Li
Summary: A revised and less controversial version of Scary Movie Parodies...one of my late works. Actually, less scary movie parody stuff and more non-stop humor and Pathas's complaints, no not like the press conference.


Disclaimor: Alright, let's get this straight. Martin Luther blah blah blah was a laugh to myself in new stories-not to mention I'm now responsible for twenty-five thousand psycotic nervous breakdowns and crap like that. I didn't think I'd piss everyone off that much. Twas fun though! Anyway, this is a revised version of an old story of mine, Scary Movie Parodies. This is rated R for strong language, adult themes, my illiteracy? Not much violence, bah, the stuff people write flames about. Hell, it brings in the reviews. Those who are offended I appologize, any who are not, enjoy the show!  
  
Pathas: This ain't a show man, it's a fic.  
  
Disclaimor: Oh snaps...  
  
Pathas: Tis alright, none of these characters nor scenes taken by scary movies are owned by me. Actually I might own a few, if you don't know it, then I don't own it. It belongs to the movies. Or something like that?  
  
Alien Ant Farm: Need us?  
  
Pathas: No!  
  
AAF: Damn...  
  
Disclaimor: East side man fuck jall!  
  
All: .................  
  
Disclaimor: Bah, you putzes!  
  
Beginning of the story?  
  
Gene: Yo my man Jimmy-G goes wokin down the street-  
  
Pathas: Not a rap musical man....  
  
Gene: Well chop off my balls why don't ya?  
  
Jim is walking down the street, soon he notices a three headed man at the end of the street brutally murdering a women. The killer has a Scream mask on one head, raincoat hood on the other, Jason hockey mask on the last. One hand has a hook while the other has a chainsaw in place of his hand. He also had a dorsal fin...and gum on his shoe...and blonde wigs on each head-OKAY! I don't know where the gum and wigs came from...  
  
Jim: .....oh shit! This is where I say something isn't it?  
  
Pathas comes from behind a street light.  
  
Pathas: Yes it is Jim, oh and here, *Shoots the bird*  
  
Jim: That wasn't nice! *A bird falls to the ground dead.* This is the sucky humor man.  
  
Pathas: Yeah I know. *Disappears into the street light.*  
  
Jim: Self-publisise bastard-Oh yeah! I'm outta here.  
  
Jim turns around to run but the killer is standing there infront of him.  
  
Jim: Aw that's all half-butt. *Turns and runs like hell*  
  
Jim is pursued by the killer, Jim run's into a backyard, notices broken signs all around the yard saying BEWHERE OF DOGS, GET YOUR WILL OUT, and THIS IS CUJO AND LASSIE(on rabies) LITTER. Jim and the killer gulp. Then a shitzu, a dausand, and a miniature dobermon come out of the dog house.   
  
Jim: *Whew* Hold up-  
  
Then all the dogs go psyco and race toward them like mad. Jim and the killer run away. They jump over hurdles, fences, barbed-wire fences, a thin read line, acid pits, snake pits, gateways to hell...etc. They escape the dogs and the killer resumes trying to kill Jim. Jim runs again, picking up a bottle of gatoraid along the way, then he grabs a slice of pizza, then a magazine of naked pictures of Aisha.   
  
Jim: Hey, give me a break, just a last request incase he kills me.  
  
Pathas: *Trembles* But I'd never write that down. *The Jimmie-kun (Or whatever) fan girls are standing behind him with every weapon known to man(and beyond) pressed against the back of his neck.* Why can't there be any Pathas-Kun fans?   
  
The Killer soon falls down a manhole, he climbs out and then slips on a banana peel, then he steps on a flaming bag of dog shit, then he runs through tires, then get's his ass snapped in a bear trap.  
  
Jim: Just what Fat Abbot told us!  
  
Then a large boulder rolls after them. Now Jim and the killer are running for their lives again. The killer keeps running down the road from the boulder while Jim leaps onto the sidewalk and walks inside the house. He walks into the living room, everyone is watching TV, Jim can only see the back of their heads.  
  
Jim: Hey guys I'm home, sorry I'm late, some freak chased me.   
  
Then the four heads turn around. Jim sees a werewolf face, a lawyer's face, Sazuka (AH! Just kidding, if I don't want the Jimmie-kun fans after me, I don't want the stealth ninja Sazuka wanabes after me. *Drops his harmonica and bends down to get it as a shurican flies over him* Now where was I?) and Michael Jackson's face.   
  
Jim: AHHHHH! Holy shit!  
  
The were wolf takes his mask off revealing Gene  
  
Gene: Jesus Christ, Jim, its only us.  
  
The lawyer takes his mask off revealing Melfina.  
  
Jim: Sazuka take your mask off-HELP!  
  
Stealth Sazuka Wanabes attack Jim and Pathas, the Jimmie-kun fans retalliate along with the Pathas-kun fans.  
  
Pathas: Ha!  
  
Jim: Aisha! Take off the Michael Jackson mask.  
  
Aisha *Walks from the bathroom wrapped in a towel*: What's goin on?  
  
Gene: What's goin on?  
  
Jim: Cross seas, every minute a child dies by-  
  
Pathas: Stop! *Baracading the door from a swarm of lawyers outside with lawsuit papers*   
  
Everyone looks at Michael Jackson.  
  
All: AHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Aisha's towel falls off.  
  
Gene and Jim: YES!  
  
Jim: Okay, I'm goin to bed.  
  
Jim falls asleep and dreams that he's walking by a graveyard. Then Michael Jackson and a bunch of zombies start dancing around.  
  
Jim: I'm never having any mercy...  
  
Pathas: And I'm safe writing!  
  
Jimmie-kun fans: Jim suffers, you suffer!  
  
Pathas: Bloody hell, dammit! Note to self: Don't put Jimmie-kun fans in fics ever again.  
  
Pathas appears beside Jim, they have to watch in horror of the zombie choreography.  
  
Pathas: Some choreographers are gay man! We could be gay from watching this!....no wait, you can, I can't.  
  
Jim: Why is that?  
  
Pathas: Because I'm the Anti-God...or not...bah, I'm too powerful!  
  
Jim: Don't forget the Jimmie-kun fan girls' tempers!  
  
Pathas: Good point. *Whips a stone at a zombie, making him fall off cue, Michael gets upset and burns him. Jim and Pathas escape.*  
  
Then a werewolf walks up to Jim.   
  
Jim: Wut up dog? *Slaps the werewolf five, cuts his hand and gets a weird star symbol on his palm.* Dammit- *Wakes up in a barn lying in hay with a bunch and chickens, Pathas is hung by a rope on the rafters.*  
  
Jim: NOOOOOOOO! What happened with the chickens. Pathas why?!  
  
Pathas walks in from the barnyard door and looks up at himself hanging from the rafters.  
  
Pathas: There's my scarecrow.  
  
Jim: Path!  
  
Pathas: Right! *Snaps his fingers* End dream!  
  
Jim wakes up in a cold sweat in his bed. Sees feathers all around his bed.  
  
Jim: Okay, I'm gonna lift the covers and see a chicken. *Lifts the covers and sees a rooster* Fuck you Pathas.  
  
Jim wakes up again, turns to the side and sees...GENE?!?!?  
  
Jim: AHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Gene: AHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Pathas: *Walks into the room* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Gene: Dammit Jim, don't have me in your dreams!  
  
Jim *Pounds his fist on the middle of the bed*: End this dream now!  
  
Pathas: The nitemare isn't-  
  
Sound from the bed: OW! Jim that hurt!  
  
Everyone freezes.  
  
Gene: Jim..........I don't want to see who's under the covers.  
  
Jim: *Cries* I don't either.  
  
Gene: *Cries also* But we have to see to end this dream.  
  
Pathas: *Cries finally* Damn this cruel torture I have written. *Buries his face in his hands.* Get it fucking over with!  
  
Gene: *Sniff* At the count of three.  
  
Pathas: *Stops crying* Get it over with or I'll steal your copies of Episode 23. *Cries again*  
  
Jim: One-  
  
Pathas: DVD!  
  
They pull the covers, but Fred isn't there.  
  
Pathas: See, even I have a heart...  
  
Jim *wakes up*: Man stop doing that!  
  
Pathas: I sparred you guys, you're lucky this time. *The Jimmie-Kun fan takes the gun out of Pathas's mouth.* I gotta hire security systems for these girls.  
  
While Jim was asleep, Gene had been screwing Melfina again in a closet. Lets shift the scene outside the closet (Hold your children dear in this scene). The killer walks up to the closet door, he opens it ready to slash them, but a flood of cum pushes him through the halls, sending him out the window.  
  
Jim walks down the strairs and sticks his finger in the large flood, taking out some of Melfina's-  
  
Pathas: Achoo! Okay, that was for the Mel fans.  
  
Jim: Mmm...Lemony goodness.  
  
Audience: AH!  
  
Pathas: Okay, bad joke, sue me!  
  
The snapping of bear traps is heard outside. Pathas looks out the window seeing a bunch of lawyers catch in bear traps.  
  
Pathas: Pathas-1 Lawyers-Zip! Hell yes!  
  
Jim climbs into a boat and rides through the hall, a sharks phin passes him through the flood while violin music plays. Jim raises an eyebrow. Jim then rides to the door and opens it. The-  
  
Pathas: *Cough* *Cough* *Mumbles* Dammit, I never should have done anything nice.  
  
-floods into the street. Jim rides into the gutters and rides off.  
  
Pathas: Merry Christmas you bastards....and a Happy New Year. *Throws on his coat and walks out the door. Joins Gene, Jim and Melfina at the bar.*  
  
Fred, lawyers, and Michael Jackson walk from the shadows.  
  
Fred: This isn't over yet...*Fred lets out a long, lame laugh.*  
  
THE END...I think...yeah. 


End file.
